My Christmas Gift to You!

I have sacrificed myself to the movie gods to bring you this edition of
For Better and For Worse...

You would think that a movie with Hugh Jackman and Ewan McGregor would be the best thing ever. But OMG I have no idea who thought this movie would be a good idea except for maybe the person in charge of late-night basic cable programming. I'm pretty sure they could have made a better (=watchable) movie by adapting a Star Wars/X-Men Crossover FanFic. It even would have been legally tidy since FOX holds all the properties! God, FOX totally needs me. So here goes (literally) nothing...

[DECEPTION]

Early 90s erotic suspense derivative. Biggest waste of Baz Luhrmann's leading men. Should have been Direct-to-Video or Lifetime. Maggie Q. Only 1 (short) Hugh shirtless scene.

[IS BETTER THAN]

(or Viva Laughlin)

JUST SAY NO TO Ashley Judd W/O Morgan Freeman!
(or ironically w/o Hugh)

[BUT WORSE THAN]

Staring at Ewan's Davidoff Adventure Ad...for 2 hours
AND/OR
Hugh's Introduction to America via the Cage Scene in X-Men on loop...for 2 hours

Seeing is believing.

'Australia' For Better and For Worse- a review

I really can't stand the vast majority of reviews being written by the big boys & girls of print. It's like they're all trying to out-do themselves in being completely and utterly irrelevant. Apparently they all need to post a sign by their typewriters that says-"You're not going to win a Pulitzer for writing a 3000-word scathing review highlighting the historical inaccuracies of Gladiator." They've apparently forgotten that the most fundamental part of a movie is that it be entertaining. 'Entertaining' just so happens to be the opposite of mind (and butt) numbing boredom. Who would have known?!

Exhibit A: Melinda & Melinda. I never fall asleep in movies yet I managed to mimic a corpse during that Woody Allen 'gem' (Which I believe is the last movie he actually directed. Say it with me-GHOST DIRECTORS!)

Exhibit B: (and the inspiration for my new movie review format) SAVED. The movie about teen pregnancy that came before JUNO and that didn't premiere on Lifetime. The universe still owes Mandy Moore a Golden Globe or SAG nom for her diabolically pious performance as Hilary Faye. Unlike Juno, Saved didn't need a self-aware 'indie' soundtrack or quirkily sardonic teenspeak. It just rocked.

All this ranting has led to my new movie reviewing format.
So here's the gist: I pick a movie that is better and a movie that is worse than the one I'm reviewing. It's like 3 movie reviews in less than 50 words. Damn efficent right?

STAR! CROSSED! LOVERS!

[AUSTRALIA]

Aussies being Aussies. Hugh being Riddikulus. David Wenham being Hot Big Bad Ginger. Nicole being Nicole. Billabong. Nostalgically Engaging Epic.

[IS BETTER THAN...]

Children who suck. Dreamy Emerald Dress. Vanity tracking shot. Annoying Pome Children. James getting shafted. Sexy Library. Typewriter. Pretentiously laborious.

[BUT WORSE THAN...]

Effing! Brilliant! Musical! Boho Ewan McGregor. Drop Dead Costumes. Kylie Minogue. Infinitely Re-watchable.