Friday, November 7, 2008

Turf War: Gwyneth vs. Oprah & Martha!

Gwyneth's in the process of launching her Lifestyle website (which is just a pretentious way of saying BLOG)-GOOP whose nauseating (or hence forth to be known as Bounce-ing) motto is "Nourish the Inner Aspect" 
Is this Gwyneth trying to be the White Oprah or is she trying to out-WASP Martha Stewart?
I don't know but I'm pretty sure this is only going to get ugly. G-You just don't start moving in on 3-comma Divas with battalions of découpaging loyalists! This is actually wise advice to anyone who wanders accidently (or otherwise) into the scrapbooking section of a store. 

The layout looks like the love child of O and Real Simple (or like a J.Crew Catalogue) 
I haven't seen this much unrepentant WASPosity since I found myself in a Lily Pulitzer store in Dallas trying (and failing) not to laugh at a man trying to rationalize (and failing) purchasing a seersucker shirt. 

Gwyneth's already done enough harm to my inner aspect by making something called View From the Top. Which I would have nightmares about if it wasn't for Mark Ruffalo's presence. 
But if Gwyneth is going to nourish my inner aspect I'm pretty sure that it'll be by watching the Didotastic Sliding Doors (with perhaps a Sliding Fraiser chaser). 
Now I'm not going to totally write-off GOOP (though Gwyneth probably will as a Charitable Contribution to the proper life-styling of Plebs) but I won't mind giving it a look-see if she promises to include her truly awesome mom/underrated comedic genius Blythe. 

Director's Cut: I was originally going to title this post "The Hateration of Gwyneth"  which would have been both a Mary J. Blige (or MJB to ye clubmix kids) and a Julie Andrew reference but I thought it would be lost on most people except the exceptionally (read: neurotically) popcultured. Oh or that people would think that the post was about defending G. I'll leave that to Vogue. 


mB said...

What has happened to Gwyneth? She's become a celeb-wife, a celeb-mother and apparently a celeb-Stewart/Oprah? Am I in the minority who think she should go back to acting (and not just in RDJ summer vehicles)?
And I'm not just saying that cause I just watched {Proof} and rather enjoyed it.

Jason said...

This semi-spiritual crap that celebs push on us makes me so angry! Maybe not angry enough to wave a knife around at Cactus Club, but angry.

"Sliding Frasiers," however, makes me very happy.